Being Single: There are downsides

I really enjoy being single most of the time. I mean, I'm free to do whatever I want any old time.

I don't have to answer to anyone. I only hang out with people I want to hang out with, not a partner's downer friends.

I turn up to parties and leave whenever I want. Any choices or decisions I need to make, I just make them, I don't have to consult anyone else to check that my choices suit them.

I only have to worry about my own well being, ego and self confidence. I don't have to think about anyone else's welfare, career, financial situation, diet, or drinking habits.

It is so lovely.

As someone who spent most of her adult life doing all of the former I have to say that not being attached feels good.

However, I have had some pretty black moments when, my god, all I've wanted was a boyfriend to protect me from the following evils.

1. Parking my car

I know this sounds so lame, but I really do HATE parallel parking. I love driving. I have a good time all the time while driving. But when I have to park up in a tight space I just always end up wailing "WHY DON'T I HAVE A BOYFRIEND TO FRIGGING PARK MY GODDAMN CAR?!!!!"

Of course, my last long term boyfriend couldn't even drive, but I have so little confidence in my ability to park that I used to actually follow his instructions. Once I nearly crashed my car.

2. Encounters with Swingers

Since I became single you will not believe the amount of times couples have approached me to have a session with them.

COME ON! When I think about swingers what comes into my mind is not some erotic, lustfilled, raunchy encounter. I think about those Louis Theroux documentaries about seriously over-weight, fat, middle-aged types who wander around the bungalows where the orgies are taking place, help themselves to cold meat buffets, and then queue up to do it with a Thai bride.

Really grosses me out. Yet, because I'm single couples think it's acceptable to say "I would love to see your tits. You are so hot." And that's just the women, in front of their husbands/ partners.

I know that if I had a boyfriend they wouldn't dare ask me to get involved.

It's very funny, and I'm thankful to them all for giving me something to blog about, but gee, does it make me feel vulnerable!

3. Getting myself home after a night out

This really applies when you're newly single, just got over your break up and realise how much fun life can be.

So you party. Hard. Really crazy partying, just cos it's 4am doesn't mean you should stop, right?!

All the people who are your true friends and care about you have left to catch up on their beauty sleep, and so you're left with the drunks, druggies and slime balls. People who will try and take advantage of you.

When you have a moment of clarity and try to get yourself home it's a nightmare.

I remember tears filling my eyes because I was so drunk I couldn't phone for a cab to get me safely home.

The scariest situation though, was when I was at a warehouse party in the middle of nowhere and drunkenly tried to walk to civilisation to get a black cab and this random man screamed at me and grabbed my arm.

Thank god I managed to shake him, and off hot-footed it back to the party where a knight in shining armour called a cab to take me home.

That's got to be one of the scariest situations of my life, and I haven't been that drunk since.

It's hard though, because of course having a good time all the time is my raison d'etre. But I want to be safe as well.

4. Friends trying to set you up with weirdos.

I have to be honest. I find the whole set up thing INCREDIBLY embarrassing anyway. It makes me feel self conscious, like I'm being judged by the setter-uppers, as well as the potential date.

The only time I actually dated someone who was a set up I was mortified because after a month he confessed he had a girlfriend. Who he was living with! The setter-upper was very upset, she'd known this guy for years and he never told her he was in a serious relationship.

Set ups are usually sold to me like this:

"You know that Bruno is single Elizabeth! He thinks you're hot, you know. You should so hook up with him, he is HOT! I mean he's having some problems at the moment with his sex addiction/ just getting over his ex/ bad breath/ mother issues/ anger management, but he's such a great guy!"

The worst time was this girl telling me "We tried to sleep together a few times but he has an erectile dysfunction. But I'm sure he won't have that problem with you."

Errrrr........

It's enough to make a woman join a convent. Now, there are some empowered women who don't need men to protect them, cos they've got god. Oh bugger, god's not a man, is he?